i dont really know how to start......

i thought that it was supposed to get easier as time went on.why is it getting harder? you broke so many promises and i should hate you....but i cant. i wish that i could. but all i can do is wish that i still had you. after everything you did to me...it should be easy to hate you. but how can you hate someone you still love? is that possible? i wish.....well i dont wish anything. because wishing wont do anything. wishing just gives you hope. and hope at this point is pointless. i hate that i let this happen. that i didnt fight it. i just.....gave up and accepted it. although there was really nothing i could do. and yet its been a whole month and nothing has changed. how is that possible that a whole month has gone by and nothing has changed. i still feel the same way as i did 31 days ago. i hate that i cant look back on anything without feeling like shit and reliving that night. i really wish that i had never met you. that i didnt know you. i would never have gotten into this if i hadnt. i couldve still been.....well me. now im not even that. im an empty shell. i have no feelings. and you did that. you made me not want to feel....so i never did. and now its all catching up to me. and im trying.....but its not working so well. and i dont know what to do. so each day i go to school and pretend. i pretend to be the ashley i was.....even though thats not the ashley i am. but really.....i dont know who that is either. so im stuck between trying to find out who i am now....and still feeling like who i used to be. that doesnt make any sense....but thats where i am. and it really sucks. and beyond that.......nobody will just simply tell me to suck it up and get over it. because thats what i need....i think. but its not like any of that matters anymore. because its over and done with. and theres nothing i can do but accept it.      

its hard.

corey says:::

allie and ashley are best friends

i love them.